What Keeps You Up At Night?

It used to be simple things that kept me up at night, like being too cold, a stiff neck, the sounds of my heating pipes....well not any longer. It's now the fear of death that keeps me awake. Tonight I found a disgusting creepy bug less than a foot away from my bed on the wall!! I feel so uncomfortable in my own apartment. I frantically look at the walls and floors all the time now. Apparently its a harmless House Centipede, but I don't care. It is so gross and creepy. I thought winter was supposed to kill bugs, apparently it just lures them all inside so they don't freeze to death.
(This picture doesn't do justice on the scale. The body was over an inch long and the hairlike legs made it look HUGE--3 inches long at least!)

Naturally, I saw the bug and flipped out. I was supposed to be leaving in 20 minutes for a womens' dessert night with church, but I knew there was no way I was leaving the apartment without that sucker being removed. If left it until later to be dealt with, it would undoubtedly be gone when I got home and I would spend the next 3 weeks panicked about which shoe it was in or where in my bed it was hiding. So, what did I do but immediately walk out the door to my neighbor, Mike's. Mike is the heat guy--he's used to me stopping by on an every other day basis. Well, tonight Mike was not home. I don't know why he feels the liberty to go to class and have a life outside of being my heat monitor, but he does. Well, I don't know my downstairs neighbor (Andy) very well, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I marched right down and said, "Can you kill a bug in my apartment?" He said sure and began looking for something to kill it will. He struggled to find something so I quickly volunteered the junk mail in our hallway for all of the previous tenants from what seems like the past 2o years.

Now you may think that beggars can't be choosers, oh, but I was picky. I made sure to let him know that a missed attempt would not be okay and that he needed to be confident that he could get him on the first try. (Who was I kidding? I wasn't going to do any better of a job than he could. In fact, I didn't even have the guts to try. I was terrified. He was all I had). I wasn't sure if that creepy bug was fast or if it could fly. He assured me that it was a Silverfish and he had seen one in his apartment downstairs earlier this week. Great. We have an infestation. Well he creamed that little guy with two swift blows and I thanked him. I didn't even require that he clean the guts off the wall. I was certain that I could handle that, but later found out that even with rubber gloves on I was so freaked out by this foreign bug that I had to psyche myself up just to clean the guts off. Anyway, about 10 minutes later I heard Mike come home and wanted to let him know that I would appreciate a little heat and to let him know that our apartment building is being taken over by alien bugs.

To my surprise Andy was sitting in there with Mike and said, "I already told him about the Silverfish." And Mike said, "I just turned the heat on."

Playing it cool I said, "Oh ok, I was just checking on the heat. Also, I looked it up and it's not a Silverfish, but a House Centipede." They didn't believe me so they wanted to see proof on my google image search (I took a picture but it turned out blurry. I was really nervous the flash was going to scare the bug, but apparently they aren't camera shy. He didn't even flinch). We agreed that it was a House Centipede and Mike turned and saw the remains. "You killed it?!" he exclaimed.

"Yea, we did. I thought you might have opted for the humane method." Mike then proceeded to explain how easy it is to catch a bug with a glass. "You put the glass over the bug on the wall and then slide a piece of paper behind it and let it outside." Sounds logical, but it's not gonna happen. Andy then chimed in and said, "I'd like to see you try that method when you get bats in your apartment." What? Are you kidding me? What next? Luckily, Andy had bats in his previous, not current apartment, but nevertheless, I've got something new to worry about at night: bats flying down my damperless chimney. They'll enjoy the company of the rocks and leaves that currently come down my chimney.

Anyway, the moral of the story is if you want to get rid of bugs, you ask Andy; if you want to warm your apartment, you ask Mike; and if you want a useless waste of space, you just come by my apartment, I'll be here standing on the couch next to the fireplace hiding from the mice, worrying about the centipedes, waiting to swat a bat, and eating Sun chips.

Shoo Fly Don't Bother Me

Have I told you how much I hate bugs?

Well, we all know about that incident with me sucking the bug into the vacuum only to find it still alive and walking around inside the container a week later.

Then there are spiders. I once went 5 days without doing dishes because there was a big spider in my kitchen that suddenly disappeared and I was convinced for a week that he was hiding out in my dishes or in my rubber gloves just waiting to pounce on me. I decided to be humane and not kill him, which I promptly regretted after his disappearance. I swore after that 5-day standoff that from then on I would promptly terminate all creepy bugs upon initial contact.

I've also been known to spend 30 minutes with a rolled up newspaper, gallivanting around an apartment, blocking egresses and pelting lamps and furniture just to kill a wayward fly that thought I wanted to play chicken with him. Literally. We're talking dive-bombing my head during dinner.

Well, my apartment never ceases to surprise me and today is no exception. So, I lounged around for most of the morning snacking and playing on my computer. Well, at about 2:30 PM I heard a roaring buzzing sound. I looked over and saw something flying at me from the kitchen/bathroom area. It was hard to distinguish whether it was a giant fly or a bumble bee so I jumped up and ran for the door--one of the two of us were about to leave my apartment! Luckily, the fly took my bait and flew right into the hallway, but I was left perplexed about where it came from. I had not left the apartment yet today so no door was opened. My windows have storm glass, a screen, and then another interior window. Where the heck did it come from?! Any thoughts?

Apologies to Any Entomologists

You have a few less specimens to study and it's all my fault. Forgive me if this offends you, but I hate insects. All insects. From maggots to flies and fleas to mosquitoes. If it can crawl or fly and not tell me why it wants to bite or sting me, then I don't like it. Well, despite the fact that it was a crisp 62 degrees in my apartment when I woke up this morning there was a giant (ok, an oversize housefly) bug on my Joy dish soap. I couldn't tell if it could fly so instead of risking an escape from a missed swat I got out my trusty Eureka--appropriately named "The Boss" by the fine people at Eureka. I turned that cyclonic-powered vacuum on so fast that creepy crawly thing never saw it coming. Apparently 62 isn't cold enough to kill bugs. My thoughts are this: I can't wait for Winter. Not only because it's my favorite season or because it brings snow, lit fireplaces, winter hats, Christmas music, and a plethora of other amenities, but especially because Jack Frost nips the heck out of bugs. Last week there was a spider on my bed...I glory in the days when he is but a faded memory and not a reoccurring nightmare.

Hello World!

So it's official! Brooklyn Worm Girl has inspired me to start a blog! I'll give you a little accurate, but unfortunate background on the formation of this blog.

I recently received a plethora of new furniture from a co-worker and moved into a new apartment. Well somewhere in the mix of all this, I discovered that one of the two blessings came with some friends. Maggots. Only 7 to date, but still enough to cause me extreme discomfort. So I spent a little time researching the best ways to get rid of the little baby flies and in the process discovered her blog. To say the least, it is witty and inspiring. I don't expect the same level of entertainment, but will aim high nevertheless.

So here's to regular updates for my family and friends who can't experience the thrills in my everyday life!