Sorry About the Goo

Awkward moment of the day:

So I had just sat back down at my desk to continue to sift through Comprehensive Planning assessment tools and decided that my lips were in need of a little Vanilla-flavored pick-me-up.

Of course
, I recently ran out of my usual chap stick and in a pro-sustainable effort committed to use all chap sticks I found around my apartment before purchasing a new one. Naturally, the next one I stumbled upon was not a stick option, but a dip-your-finger-in-the-goo lip balm. Not a problem. Well, not a big problem. I'm a bit of a germ-o-phob and it grosses me out sometimes if I haven't recently washed my hands or if I'm out in public. But well, I'll get over it. I'm sure I won't get the Swine or anything. Apparently that's not the only problem...

So not half a second after I dipped my right hand into the Petroleum oil goo I hear foot steps towards my door. I look over my shoulder and see my boss entering with a new intern. He wants to introduce me. Great. And it's not an intern who would shy back and wave, but a confident intern who walks over to me to shake my right hand with his firm grip. Great.

I panic and think, "What do I do?!" I can't quickly and awkwardly apply lip balm while they look at me, but I also can't let my first sentence to him be, "Sorry, I would shake your hand but I just put chapstick on" (that would take too much explaining). So I just smear the goo on my hand and give him my best shake, hoping our hands don't slip apart on account of the Tetradibutyl Pentaerithrityl Hydroxyhydrocinnamate (an actual ingredient in my lip balm. Remind me to get a less toxic and chemically invasive balm next time). Bless his grossed-out little heart.

If he felt one ounce of that slimy residue on his hand he's surely creeped out by me. Think about it. If I were him I'd run through the myriad of options in my head about the foreign substance some lady just wiped on me: snot, sweaty palm juice, grime from not washing her hands in two days, hair grease from twirling her dirty hair on her finger too much...the possibilities are really endless, but a clean hand with a smidgen of Vanilla Pucker Up Lip Balm is not on that list! Great, I've got to look this guy in the eye for the next few months and pretend that he doesn't think I have poor hygiene.


  1. i mean, it really is kinda gross. its also hilarious. can't wait to see you!

  2. Just another day in paradise at the office. Trust me, you're a novice. They can get a lot worse.